Becoming God

  Notion Press

  Old No. 38, New No. 6

  McNichols Road, Chetpet

  Chennai - 600 031

  First Published by Notion Press 2017

  Copyright © Pankaj Ogra 2017

  All Rights Reserved.

  eISBN 978-1-948230-12-4

  This book has been published with all reasonable efforts taken to make the material error-free after the consent of the author. No part of this book shall be used, reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission from the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

  The Author of this book is solely responsible and liable for its content including but not limited to the views, representations, descriptions, statements, information, opinions and references [“Content”]. The Content of this book shall not constitute or be construed or deemed to reflect the opinion or expression of the Publisher or Editor. Neither the Publisher nor Editor endorse or approve the Content of this book or guarantee the reliability, accuracy or completeness of the Content published herein and do not make any representations or warranties of any kind, express or implied, including but not limited to the implied warranties of merchantability, fitness for a particular purpose. The Publisher and Editor shall not be liable whatsoever for any errors, omissions, whether such errors or omissions result from negligence, accident, or any other cause or claims for loss or damages of any kind, including without limitation, indirect or consequential loss or damage arising out of use, inability to use, or about the reliability, accuracy or sufficiency of the information contained in this book.

  Contents

  Acknowledgements

  1. Journey of Mystery

  2. Life on the Swing

  3. Chambers of Life

  4. The Trip to Creation Chamber

  5. Life on Earth

  6. Finding Myself

  7. Love and Pain

  8. Money Matters

  9. Becoming a Child

  10. Life Needs Fun

  11. Emotional Turmoil

  12. Finding Guidance

  13. Sugra

  14. Time and Goal

  15. So We All Meet

  16. Uniting the Energy

  17. Who Am I?

  Acknowledgements

  This story is a creation based on a collection of thoughts. This would not have been possible without a few people in my life who have been stepping-stones in this creation.

  At the outset, I would like to thank my father, Mr. Ravi Ogra and my mother, Ms. Rajni Ogra for believing in me and showing faith in me by letting me drive my life my own way. This work wouldn’t have been possible without the freedom and choices they allowed me in leading my own life.

  I would also like to thank all the people I came across in this journey of life who taught me something or the other from their own life experiences.

  Finally, I would like thank all my family members and a few special friends who were there for me when I needed them the most. They gave me hope and optimism to deal with my problems and to convert each struggle into a success.

  Journey of Mystery

  I was in a cab travelling towards the airport. I was going through a rough phase of my life. I was crying, and the cab driver was looking at me through the rear-view mirror in front. I was filled with sorrow and pain, and I was not interested in hiding it from anyone, as everyone witnesses these things in their own lives.

  My heart was broken, and the story of my life that I thought was true was also broken into pieces. I was in tears, and everything in this world that I thought were true were now lies to me. It was after a very long time that I was shattered emotionally. I was full of agony and hatred for a person who was responsible for all this and whom I loved a lot.

  I was travelling to Visakhapatnam from Mumbai, and I had a flight to catch from terminal 2. I entered the airport with a heavy heart and a weird feeling that I had never experienced before. The voice in the back of my mind told me something that I could not decipher.

  Well, I checked in with my operator. I took my hand luggage with me and approached the security gate. It was 9 PM, and the boarding was to begin at 9.45 PM. I had a lot of time to hang around and explore the place.

  My mind was filled with thoughts. I felt like eating something. So I went to the KFC (Kentucky Fried Chicken) counter and ordered a chicken burger and a glass of iced tea, something to fill my stomach. KFC filled me up. I love music. Music has been an important part of my life. I plugged my headphones and played my favourite songs on my playlist. It was already 9.40 PM, and I had finished my meal, I thought I would have a cigarette. A few puffs and nicotine ran through my nerves and made me relaxed.

  After I came out of the smoking room, I rushed in, grabbed a seat near the boarding counter, and waited for all the passengers to get on the plane. I sang softly to myself…

  (When you love a woman, you tell her that she’s really wanted When you love a woman, you tell her that she’s the one ‘Cause she needs somebody to tell her that it’s gonna last forever So tell me, have you ever really, Really, really ever loved a woman?

  – A Bryan Adams song)

  As the last one crossed the boarding zone towards the plane, I rose from my seat and approached the boarding gate. I got to my assigned seat 21–C and placed my handbag in the upper cabinet.

  Now I waited for my co-passengers to take their seats beside me, as they had not arrived yet. And I thought I was the last one! Finally, a girl with highlighted hair asked me, “Do you mind giving way? My seat no is 21 A, window seat.” I drew myself into my seat to give her way to take her seat. While I helped her settle her luggage, this gentleman who was allotted 21 B walked in.

  As I tried to settle myself, this attractive cabin crew member Ms. Cruzan came to me and asked me to follow her for a discussion. I was a little surprised, but I got up and walked with her. She took me outside the plane saying there were some issues with my ticket and the Floor Manager would discuss that with me.

  She took me to a room where members of the airlines and security waited for me. I sensed something was wrong, but I had a feeling that everything would be just fine. Now, in the back of my head, I thought that maybe something was not right, but I had all the right documents, and I was not involved in any kind of illegal work. Maybe someone who was up to something of that nature interchanged my luggage.

  I was clueless, with many thoughts running through my mind. I finally learnt that another passenger had been allotted the same seat as mine, and when he was trying to get through the boarding gate, they noticed it.

  Well, it was absurd but another pain. They were also clueless about how two people were alloted the same seat number. Well, that wasn’t my fault; it was a technical error in their software that led to this situation.

  Finally, Johny, the Floor Manager, and one of the senior personnel of the airlines explained the whole situation to everyone, after asking the other passenger and me a few questions. Johny seemed very mature from the sound of his conversation. He asked us for details like where I booked my ticket and when. Mr. Walker, the other passenger, had also booked his tickets from the same travel portal. Well, that was all we knew at this point.

  All the seats in the plane were booked, and there was no way Johny could have accommodated Mr. Walker on the same flight, so Johnny assured him a free stay and the first flight in the morning to Vizag to compensate. They apologised for the inconvenience and trouble caused to the both of us. Mr. Walker understood the whole situation and agreed to Johny’s offer. It was a gain for him, as they also upgraded his tickets to business class. I would have taken the offer if I were him, as it was just a matter of a few hours delay, and the purpose of my trip was a personal one and not business-related.

 
; Mr. Walker took his bags and went with Johny, and I walked towards the plane with Ms. Cruzan. The flight had already been delayed by 20 minutes, so we rushed back quickly. This was the first time I had ever experienced or heard of a situation like this. Even the crew members were amused. It was new for everyone.

  One of the crew members said to me, “This is an unusual situation, I’ve never heard of such a thing before, but even technology tends to fail at times. Everything happens for a reason.” At the back of my mind, I agreed with him, as I also had the same philosophy.

  Everyone in the plane had been waiting for the flight to take off. When they saw me walking back into the plane, they probably thought that there was something wrong. Some of them must have thought I was some kind of terrorist or transporting illegal things.

  It didn’t matter as the flight was about to take off now. I sat on my seat, and as expected, my fellow passenger asked me what happened. I told him the whole story about how the tickets were duplicated.

  My mind was already filled with thoughts, and now there was this ticket mix-up issue. What was going on with me today? The pilot made the announcement for the takeoff, and everyone was asked to tighten their seat belts. The flight headed towards the runway, and everyone was busy looking out the window for the takeoff—surely, the most exicting part of a flight. The ones who were flying for the first time probably thought that the takeoff would take them to heaven.

  I looked at the lady sitting in the row next to ours. She seemed paranoid and looked like she was seeking God’s blessings. A few other young children were speaking loudly to their teammates about the things they would do when they reach the city. Some were busy listening to music or reading the airline manual. The flight took off after a while, once they received confirmation from the controlling tower.

  It was a one and a half hour journey, so I continued listening to music on my music player. For the first time in my life, I seriously observed all the instructions displayed by the cabin crew and got them into my head. I also read all the instructions in the safety manual, as I had a weird feeling like in the movie Final Destination. I tried to change the direction of my thoughts with music.

  I heard the pilot saying the weather on our route was not expected to be good and that we should keep our seatbelts on. All these things, one after the other, led to negative thoughts. It got on my nerves, despite my best efforts to change my mood and divert my thoughts to other things.

  I felt hungry again, despite the fact that I had just eaten at the airport. I ordered a chicken sandwich with hot coffee this time. Eating usually helps lift my mood. The beautiful Ms. Cruzan delivered my meal and wished me a good experience with the meal.

  After a while, the pilot released the seat belt sign. I heard the pilot saying we were thirty thousand feet above sea level and everything was normal. As I didn’t have much of an appetite for the sandwich, I just had coffee and kept the sandwich aside.

  We were in the air for nearly thirty minutes now. I tried to look outside, but it was all dark. The lady at the window seat was constantly looking out the window, and I was wondering what she was looking at. The passenger on my other side was busy watching a movie on his I-pad. I looked at the other passengers. Everyone was busy with something or the other. There was this very young girl moving from one seat to another.

  People who were not asleep looked at her and enjoyed her childish actions. She also came to me. I luckily had a toffee in my pocket. I offered her the toffee and she took it saying, “Thank you.”

  I asked her, “What’s your name?”

  She replied, “My name is Ana.”

  I got lost in thoughts of how I used to be when I was her age. I was different, introverted, and scared. She was such an adorable creature and brought an atmosphere of liveliness all around the flight. Her presence was so calming that even I forgot my worries and kept staring at her for a while. Mr. Jamal, a member of the cabin crew, asked her mother to take back to the seat for safety reasons. As she settled down, I thought I would go to the restroom and then take a small nap before we reached. My thoughts started flowing through my mind again, making me sad.

  So I got off the seat and went towards the restroom. It was occupied, so I waited outside. Ms. Cruzan smiled at me pleasantly, while serving a traveller some coffee. We briefly exchanged introductions as she worked at the sideboard. She was half Indian and half Russian. Her mother was from Russia. She told me that it was her first day on-flight after months of training. This was an important day for her. I wished her the best of luck and complimented her on her good looks. She then became busy.

  As the restroom was still occupied, I looked around and noticed a renowned stand-up comedian sitting in the front row in the business class section. I hadn’t noticed him while boarding the flight. By then, the lady who was in the restroom came out. She seemed to be pregnant, maybe that was the reason she took a long time.

  I entered the restroom, locked the door, put my headphones on, and started taking a dump while listening to Coldplay’s Sky Full of Stars. I felt some turbulence, but things were ok after a few seconds. My music was on full blast, and I couldn’t hear a thing outside. When I was finishing, I felt a huge turbulence, and my head banged against the mirror. I lost my consciousness.

  I opened my eyes slowly and realised I was not in the flight.

  What the fuck? Where am I?

  I closed my eyes and opened them again just to confirm I was seeing things right, but it certainly was not the place I was in a minute ago.

  I thought I was dreaming, so I slapped myself on the face and even pinched myself repeatedly, but nothing changed. I closed my eyes, opened them again, and looked closely at my surroundings. I found myself sitting on the cliff of a mountain with many trees and flowers around.

  I was still clueless about what was happening. I was inside the plane restroom a minute ago, and now I was here sitting on a mountain.

  While I tried to figure out the mystery, I saw a gentleman approaching me. He looked familiar from afar, but as he moved a little closer, I realised he looked like me. His height, body and the way he walked were exactly like mine, and he wore the same clothes I did. I felt like someone had stolen my identity.

  He came closer to me, and I looked at him, amused. He was my duplicate. I got up on my feet and asked him, “Who are you?”

  He said, “I am Parnog.”

  “How could you be Parnog? That is my name. I am Parnog.”

  He said, “I am a part of you.” I felt some warmth in his voice.

  “How come you look like me, and where am I now? I was on a flight a couple of minutes ago.”

  He said, “I am you the real you. The real Parnog who exists inside you. I am your consciousness; I am the soul and power within you. You are in your own world created by your mind known only to both of us.”

  “What is this place?” I asked.

  He said, “This is the same mountain peak that you used to look at from your home all the time.”

  “What do you mean? Both of us? I am just one. And if you are my consciousness, how come you are out of my body. Am I dead?”

  “No, you are not dead, if that were the case, we both would not have this conversation right now.”

  “So why are we having this conversation in the first place?”

  “Because the time has come when you have to analyse yourself from inside, and I am here to help. I am and was always with you. I was with you when you were born. I was with you when you saw this world for the first time. I was with you at every moment and every step you took. I was with you when you were happy, and I was with you when you were sad. I know all the moments of your life. You may have forgotten, but I remember all of them.”

  “Am I in a different world now?”

  “No, you are in your own world. This is all created by you. Don’t you remember this mountain you used to look at in the morning, hoping to be there someday?”

  “What do you mean to say?” I was clueless.

&n
bsp; He started narrating things about me—all my life experiences and events that no one knew about except me.

  “Are you God and am I dead? Please confirm.” I was nervous and…well, deeply scared now.

  “No, you are neither dead nor alive—this all is going in your head. All you can see is the creation of your thoughts.”

  “I still don’t understand. I was on the flight and something happened, and now I am here. I was going to Vizag. If you are me, then we both should be on that flight, not here looking at each other.”

  “I know you are confused, but let me help you with this. Let’s go for a walk, while I explain everything.”

  Well, I had no other choice but to hear him out. Maybe he has a ticket for the way back. So I thought a little and showed a little interest in the walk.

  He said, “Do you remember you used to tell yourself that you were born for a reason and you will fulfil a big destiny in this world someday?”

  “Yes, I thought so. But is that all? Because I think a lot and at different times, different things.”

  “No, but it starts from this point. Do you believe in God?”

  “Well, I think you know all about me, then why are you asking?”

  “It’s important that you answer it first in all communication.”

  “Yes, I always believe that there is a supreme power that runs this world, but that power is within every individual not outside but inside us. I called that power my God.”

  “What drives you in this life?”

  “Hmm. It’s hope and belief. I think this world revolves around these two words.”

  “What does your belief says now?”

  “My belief says that I am not supposed to be here, but I also sensed something bad might happen. I just don’t know yet what would that be. I also believe that nothing can happen to me, as I am always protected by that power.”

  “Then why are you scared? Nothing will happen to you. Believe in yourself, but today will be the life-changing phase of your life. Life will not be same after this. I am going to tell you something you already know but never realised.”