Becoming God Page 6

  I said, “Wow, you have an inspirational story, and you are definitely an inspiration too. What happened to that lady?”

  He said, “We got married, and she is happy now.”

  “This is more exciting! You are seriously an inspiration for many!” I exclaimed.

  He said, “Life teaches us many things with time. It’s the phase not the entire journey that was bad. Well, I have to go to my classes to teach.”

  I said, “Can I join your classes? I don’t know swimming.”

  He said, “You are welcome to join us.”

  He gave me his details and asked me to meet him in the club where he was teaching swimming. This meeting with him was awesome. I realised that life could change at any moment. He wanted to die but after seeing the girl in the pond, his choices changed. He was just confused at that moment, but in the end, everything was clear to him. He finally did what he wished to and believed in. Life gives us chances, but it’s our decision to choose them or to reject them.

  Everything I knew until now and I was ignoring came before me. I realised now that it was not that hard to achieve anything in life. Now the challenge was to step ahead as time was ticking by.

  Now here came the challenge. I had to make a change. Change is often unaccepted, as people don’t tend to change easily. Change is a very hard fact of life, but humans change with time after being influenced by others. These others are mostly from a “high-society,” that is in terms of wealth and fame.

  So I figured out I had to make a change in people who influenced other people and things would move on their own. When we speak of change, we speak of a question that should have a relevant answer to it; else it will not create an impact on the mentality of any individual. Humans only accept change if their brains accept it easily and do not raise a question about it.

  I thought that maybe I should become someone known to the world and that would do my work, but considering the time frame I had, it seemed like it would be a long affair. So all I needed was magic. Magic that would create a drastic change, and over time, people would accept that change.

  However, before I made any effort to change people, I had to change myself and believe what I wanted to introduce in my life. The question remained—how?

  I was mesmerized by this man’s experience of life. Although that was just one incident in his life, it was now giving meaning to many things in his life like acceptance, self-respect, hope, belief, and optimism. I realised it’s not God to whom you ask for a wish to be fulfilled; it is always to yourself. We just try to communicate our wishes to God, who is sitting within us. We all are connected to him through our souls. Everyone on this planet is connected to the eternal power through his or her soul.

  Now, there was something in me that gave me hope and told me it would be done one day. Initially, I had nothing, and now, after talking to him, I had at least one thing, and that was hope. Hope to make a difference in the society. Now I took my steps back towards home. I had hope that I would make a difference, but I still could not see the clear picture. I just knew I would.

  Finding Myself

  I was motivated now after seeing my new friend doing something exceptional. If he could do it, so could I. It didn’t matter what my goal was. It may have sounded impossible to anyone else if they had heard about it, but decided I would achieve it. I didn’t know yet what to do, where to start, but all I had was hope, and that was all I needed right now.

  I was told that I was split into different zones amongst different people, so that meant all of them were here in this world and probably had something similar to me, being a part of me. They may have some similarities in terms of face, attitude, behaviour, way of life, goals, visions, dreams, or memories. As I was on a journey to find them, I had to make sure that I respected my senses.

  Before I went searching for the people I didn’t know yet, I thought I had to know myself completely. We always get involved in someone else’s lives and forget what we really are. So I started the journey to getting to know the person I was and the way I do and look at things. What do I like? How do I react to people? How do I make things work? I needed to know myself first completely before I started this expedition. To find them, I had to find myself.

  Over time, I read many articles in books and online about people and what some people think of people. Well, my goal was to find what people of this world had already found about the generations we had in the past. I found that a few people had realised that we are the creators of our own thoughts and future.

  Everything that happens in our life is the manifestation of our own thoughts, mostly influenced by what we see, we feel, we hear, we smell, and we eat. Now to master my manifestation, I had to master my sensory organs. I understood that I needed to have control over everything that came to me or went from me. I could create an environment that was favourable to me and helped me achieve my goals swiftly. I tried to get the real me out.

  Most people in this world are living a life that is not their own—neither the perception nor the way they drive their lives. They are all influenced by one another. Focus was important to achieve my goals, and that could only be achieved with clarity of mind. Since I came back from the core, I had been meeting people from all walks of life to know what they think, how they think, and how they react. Most people I met didn’t know the purpose of their life.

  They were moving with the times and influence from the society. I felt ignited and started feeling the powers that resided within me, but I was not able to bring them out. So I started with learning about myself each day and night. I started meditating to gain control of my sensory organs so that they would not be influenced by anyone, rather act by their own judgements on everything.

  I also started listening more than speaking. I understood the fact that you are best analysed by other people, and they keep giving you feedback based on what they see in you. It turned out to be a useful exercise. I was not being egoistic, as ego doesn’t let you hear the negatives about you. That was the part I was actually trying to learn about from others.

  I realised with time that people were so fake that they would never come up with something that made them look bad. It’s a game of always looking good, and here I was, trying to learn more about my bad qualities, so that I could work on it to make it better. Their feedback may be based on the past or the current circumstances, but it will help you learn something new about yourself.

  Humans are very intelligent creations. They tell you about themselves by wrapping things in a silver foil and perfuming them with the best fragrance so they look and feel good. It’s very hard to know the part of them that is true. Making them comfortable enough to open up about themselves is not everyone’s game.

  With this exercise, I was also trying to learn more about people around me. I had many friends and people I knew from office meetings. Having candid conversations with anonymous people also paid off. As I started to listen to them speaking about themselves or me, I tried to understand the important aspects of the society.

  I also understood that most people in society knew what was happening around them and how the world was moving from a positive to negative era, but they didn’t have the courage to voice it out. I was gaining the knowledge that I had always neglected earlier, considering it of no use. Now I realised that knowing yourself and people around is the first step for any progression, as it is the start and end of any task. It is people you have to deal with, and without them, you are nothing. I kept moving and learning, but at the same time, I was living a normal human life where I had to balance living with emotions and my work too.

  Love and Pain

  I remember the day we met. It was extraordinary yet memorable. My life just changed in a few moments. It felt like I had gotten something I had always been waiting for. But it didn’t last long.

  One day, I was walking along the street alone, heartbroken and filled with pain. I was alone and filled with hatred for someone, but I didn’t realise until much later t
hat it was also afflicting me in multiple ways. The feeling of being used was most annoying, and I couldn’t get over it.

  Well, thinking more and more on this topic made me feel crazy. I tried changing my mind by getting on dating applications and connecting with people on social media, but all this was not working out. I felt that pain given by someone can only be taken by someone, but I was not sure how. Somehow, something within did not allow me to meet anyone new as they may also harm me in a similar manner.

  The fear of getting hurt again made me take a step back. It was not easy to forgive and forget as people were advising me to, but I was still trying my best in the hope for a better day.

  Well, it was my friend’s birthday and a national holiday tomorrow. I was full of questions for myself, as usual, so I decided not to go and spoil the mood of the party, as my going there may make them happy but being there physically and not there mentally would make them sick.

  All those questions of Why me? ran around in my head, making life tougher. I tried to console myself with the thought that whatever happened was for a reason. My ego was shattered, and the pieces of my heart were scattered. She playfully used me in her best interest and left me with a question that had no answers, as she never answered any of them.

  As it was a Saturday night, and as I was not going to my friend’s birthday party, I thought of thinking a bit more with a can of beer, as beer gives you good company when you are in pain. I felt that thinking more and more had become my habit nowadays, and somehow, I liked it. Despite knowing that thinking about the same subject most of the time wouldn’t help me, I still liked to think whenever I had free time.

  When you feel lonely and want to just ponder over your pain by yourself and be in your zone, alcohol helps quite well. I was no more meeting friends and relatives as I only felt like being with myself. I closed up myself for a while, and no one was allowed to enter my life to counter the loss I had, but there was still a ray of hope telling me that it was just a phase and better things would happen soon.

  I walked and reached the nearest liquor shop to grab a beer. I paid the guy and took a single can of honey cane beer, which I intended to have while returning home on the same route, as it was just 400 metres away.

  It was a rainy day, and the winds were cool. I liked the sound of thunder in the sky. I thought that maybe even the Gods were not happy looking at me and were supporting me in my act. I sipped on my beer with deep thoughts going around my brain. With all the injuries inside and nothing that could be cured with medicine, all these thoughts were running through my head. I was blind to everything else in my life. I took a halt while speaking to myself. Suddenly, I heard someone’s voice from behind saying, “Excuse me.”

  I looked around, and there was a girl. I got curious looking at her. Now my thought changed and was curious to know what such a pretty lady was doing walking on the street late at night. Suddenly, all my pain was shut out, and I looked behind.

  Firstly, I thought maybe she wanted to know the address or something, but then I learnt that the situation was little different. She was wearing a golden coloured top with black jeans. Her eyes were lined with black eyeliner, her voice was soothing, and her face was attractive. I couldn’t take my eyes off her for a while. Then I realised I was drinking beer and should be a little gentle while speaking to a lady.

  She said, “I saw you drinking beer and thought of asking what made you drink this.”

  I replied, “I am not drinking.”

  She said, “I can see a beer can hidden behind you.”

  I tried to look as sober as I could at night, on the street in front of a stranger, hiding my beer can.

  I laughed a little but then looked into her eyes red from crying and understood the situation.

  I replied, “It’s just for fun, as it’s a Saturday night.” I had no intentions of opening up to a stranger at that moment.

  She said, “Looking at you, I don’t feel you are enjoying, rather you seem sad. Why are you walking alone and drinking beer?”

  I was surprised how she knew that, but then a lonely guy deep in thought and with a beer in hand, what else would she get looking at me. I said, “Well, yes, I am a little sad.”

  She said, “Does it reduce your pain, drinking?”

  I said, “Depends on how deep the pain is.”

  “How deep is your pain?

  “Hmm, it’s a little, and the usual case with people who go through an emotional breakdown.”

  She asked, “Would this also help me?”

  I asked, “Are you also going through the same pain?”

  She said, “Nearly the same, but the challenge is I have never had drinks before.”

  “Well, if you need company, I can give that. I also need someone to share my pain with, as my people don’t listen to me anymore. They want me to move on, but it’s very hard to do so.”

  “I can understand,” she nodded.

  “Where do you live?” I asked.

  “I live nearby.”

  “I also live nearby, would you like to accompany me?” I asked her.

  “No, my roommate is waiting for me and wouldn’t appreciate if I go to a stranger’s room.”

  “Well, that’s your call, and if you like, you can call your roommate also to join us.”

  Despite going through some shit myself, I tried to console her. I didn’t know what was going on in my mind, but I felt only she could take the pain away from me.

  I told her, “This is just a phase, and you will get over it. Don’t worry. I know it’s hard to move on, but time will make it easier.”

  She said, “I think this city had only planned pain for me, and I need to change this.”

  I said, “It’s never about city or place, it’s about us. Don’t make any hasty decisions because of someone who doesn’t deserve a person like you. Give it time, and you will heal. I have seen worse cases, and they’ve gotten through it.”

  Life is just awesome. A moment ago, I was crying about my pain and thinking about moving to another city too, and now I was consoling someone in the same situation with optimism. You forget your pain when you come across others in pain and mostly when the kind of pain is similar.

  Suddenly, she started walking in the other direction. I was taken aback as I had expected her to tell me her name and to introduce myself too.

  Anyhow, I turned and started to move in my own direction. But she called from behind and asked me for my name.

  I got excited and told her, “My name is Parnog. What’s yours?”

  She said, “I am Sonauy.”

  “Such a pretty name,” I said.

  She said, “It’s good to meet you.”

  I asked, “Would you like to share what you’re going through with me? I would like to hear your story. What is your number?”

  She gave me her number, and we bid each other goodbye.

  I will filled with sudden hope, and a smile lit up my face. I was amused by this incident.

  I reached home and sent her a couple of messages on hope and belief to make her feel better. Sometimes, it’s good to help others to forget your own pain.

  The next day I texted her, Good morning. would you like to catch up again?

  She replied, yes, we can.

  I asked, where and when?

  the same place we met for a while but after office.

  I replied, ok.

  I waited all day to meet her and reached the same place a little earlier than we had decided. This time, I wore smart casuals, as I wasn’t dressed well when we met the previous day. I didn’t intend to impress her. I just wanted to look presentable.

  I was eager to meet her as I felt hope that something would arise out of our conversation. Several thoughts ran through my mind. One was the thought of meeting her and another of not wanting to get hurt again. I felt meeting her was a positive sign and may get me back to a normal life quickly. She finally came over. I saw her from a distance, and a smile lit up my face.

  “Hey,
how are you?” I asked.

  “Hey, how are you? I am good.”

  “So how was your day at office?”

  She said, “It was not good, I was not able to concentrate.”

  I said, “What happened, something wrong?”

  “My whole life is wrong. I think I should move out of this place,” she said.

  I said, “I don’t think moving to some other place will help you get away from your thoughts. You just need to forget what happened.”

  She said, “It’s not that easy. It’s not easy to forget when you are emotionally connected to someone.”

  I said, “I can understand, but that’s the only way, and it comes with practice.”

  I thought of changing the conversation and asked her, “Do you mind going to Café World, it’s nearby and serves delicious coffee. Have you checked it out earlier?”

  She said, “Not yet, but I have heard of them.”

  I said, “They just don’t serve good coffee, but they have a beautiful view from one seat. Let’s try our luck and see if it’s available.”

  She agreed, “Let’s go.”

  We entered the mall and took the staircase to the café. We reached and I ordered a cappuccino. She ordered cold coffee with ice cream, and we got the seat I was hoping for.

  We sat near the only window in the coffee shop, which offered a beautiful natural view of the garden, greenery, and the landscape. I looked at her in brief, she had this red lipstick, and red coloured straight hair. Her face was bright and she had makeup on. Her eyes were striking and she had amazing nail art on her nails. She looked incredibly charming.

  Her eyes were so deep that I could have looked at her the whole night. I looked at her, while she looked at the garden outside through the window to the garden.