Becoming God Page 9

  When life needs a little fun and positive vibes, vacations help. Happiness makes it easy to forget everything and live the moment. Daily life routine such as job and personal life makes life stressful to manage.

  My friend Viceroy said, “Visit my place this evening. I will tell you my plan for a vacation to Goa.” I had never been there, so it got my attention. I listened to his plan carefully, and it seemed like he was going to have fun, and as I was planning to do something anyway, I thought why not grab the opportunity. I told him about how I won the order and had a month’s time. He proposed that I go along with him, which I couldn’t refuse. I had funds with me, and more importantly, I had time.

  He called the guy who owned the lounge in the woods and asked for availability. Luckily, the guy had just one room left, and we booked that on time. Everything was set. It was a “backpack trip” with just the room booked as boys usually do. We had planned a week-long trip, as I didn’t have any time constraints, but he did.

  We started our trip on a Friday evening and reached the hotel at night. It was a nice drive along the sea from the airport to the resort. It seemed like everyone was chilling there as it was the peak season. As my friend Viceroy, had been here earlier a couple of times, he was my guide for this trip.

  We reached the room at midnight. The lane was very narrow, as it was in the middle of the woods and there was only wilderness all around. To my surprise, as we got there, I saw a few people sitting on the porch drinking and playing the guitar. I was happy to see the lively atmosphere there. I had wanted something like that. We got down from the cab, and I saw a tall guy with long hair approaching us.

  He asked, “Are you Viceroy?” looking at me.

  I said, “No, he is. Oh, welcome guys. I am Zhumir,” and we all introduced ourselves.

  Zhumir was the owner of the resort. He was a cool guy. He offered us a beer at midnight as a welcome drink and made us so comfortable in a matter of minutes that we sat with his friends and partied until sunrise. What better can you expect from your first night in Goa?

  I opened my eyes at mid-day and then woke my friend who usually took time to get up. He was known for always being late to work due to his sleep habits. It took me a while to make him understand that we should not just sleep as that can be very well done at home. We got ready and went outside to look for food. We didn’t want to eat at the resort, as that would just make us more lethargic. I was more concerned about him becoming lazy.

  We took a bike on rent and roamed around the place. We had a few beers and fish cooked in Goan style. It was delicious. Different cuisines served made my mouth water. We then explored the beaches. It was fun looking at people having a good time and enjoying the places. We also went for a few water sports such as banana ride and parasailing. It was amazing.

  We roamed around for a while and then went back to the resort to have a few more beers. When we reached, the party was already on. It was like this place was an all-out party place. You could stay there and party every day.

  As we tried to sneak out, Zhumir called us and asked us to join them. We couldn’t resist it, looking at what he was smoking up. We joined the circle and had a few puffs and some beer. It was fun. We stayed there for a while and then people started to leave as they had plans for the night. Only Zhumir, Viceroy, and I were left behind.

  Zhumir asked us if we had any plans for the night. Well, we had no fixed plans for the night so far, so he invited us to accompany him to a night party at his friend’s club. We were excited again at such an offer and accepted quickly before he could change his mind. We stayed with him for a while and then left to our room to get ready for the party.

  We dressed up and got into the car with Zhumir. He drove us to the club and got us free entry.

  Zhumir went to meet his friend. We went to the bar counter. We ordered beers for ourselves.

  Viceroy said, “The club is full of party people, I can feel the energy. Everyone is in his or her own world of fantasy. Look at him.” He pointed at someone.

  There was this guy dancing in front of us, mindless about his dancing style. He had this big smile on his face and his eyes were partly open. He seemed to be enjoying himself to the fullest.

  In a while, Zhumir called us over, and we met his friends. The real party started after that.

  I was tempted. Why shouldn't I, I thought, I have come to enjoy myself and will take whatever comes before me to make me happy.

  I opened my eyes, and it was the next afternoon. I didn’t remember what happened the previous night. All I remembered was going to the club, having a few beers and dancing. Everything else was a blur. I freshened up and walked out of the room.

  Zhumir was standing in the lobby. As I walked out, he wished me, “Good morning. I hope you enjoyed the night.”

  I was like, “I don’t remember anything.”

  He looked at me and smiled. His smile was a little fishy, so I asked him, “Could you help me remember?”

  He said, “Will do when the time is right.”

  Well, we had plans to visit places. We did that the whole day and went to the club with Zhumir again. It was amazing, and I had a lot of fun. The next morning, I got up a little early, maybe the excitement here was not letting me sleep long. I went around and saw Zhumir sitting alone in the porch area.

  I went to him and sat there for a while.

  Zhumir said, “Hey. Good Morning! How are you doing today?”

  I said, “I am good, what about you?”

  Zhumir said, “I am doing completely fine. Thank you.” He offered me the joint.

  “So how is your vacation going?”

  I said, “It’s amazing, thanks to you. Can I have coffee? My head is aching.”

  Zhumir said, “Yes sure, why not. Will get you some in a minute.”

  He got me the coffee.

  “So Zhumir, you have a family?”

  “Yes, but I stay here, my parents live in town. I live in my world. This world of mine gives me money and happiness with people around.”

  I said, “Yes, you are right. The world is full of magic and unexpected events. So do you believe in God?”

  Zhumir said, “Yes, I do, but then I believe in myself first. I just pray to God to keep my beliefs stronger.”

  I said, “Good to know that. How come you are staying here alone with no one, don’t you feel lonely?”

  Zhumir said, “Why do you think so? I have people all around all the time, either friends or guests. I help people in this place, and they help me stay happy. They make me feel like family. You know what? I feel like I have come for a reason here, but the vision is not clear. My goal of running this place is to keep the people happy. I feel that people come here for a reason—to be happy and I try to enhance that happiness.” He smiled. “The world is full of negativity, and everyone is changing day by day. I don’t see humanity growing; rather, individualism is growing. Here in this small town, we still have feelings for each other, but in metros, things are different.”

  I said, “You are right. I also believe so. Do you have dreams?”

  Zhumir laughed, “Ha ha. Who doesn’t? Don’t you think it’s a usual thing? Well, I do, and if I tell you what I see, you may laugh at it.”

  I said, “I wouldn’t, please tell me.”

  Zhumir said, “Well, there is a particular dream that comes to me, and all it says is this world is coming to an end. I become one part of it who has a duty to save this world. I am not yet sure of what that part is, but it’s a recurring dream for me. My mom used to say I may have some pending tasks from my last life and that’s why I get those dreams and that one day I will come to know what this dream is about.”

  I asked, “Does that dream have other people too?”

  Zhumir said, “Yes, it does, there are nearly seven of us including me.”

  I said, “Ok, that sound interesting. What happens next?”

  Zhumir said, “Nothing much. I see we get together as a team and help this world become a better
place. This dream has been growing day by day. I haven’t seen everything yet. Most of the things are not visible like the faces of people; it’s just me I can see. For a change, something happened yesterday, that’s what I was thinking about while sitting here alone.”

  I said, “Really, what was that?”

  Zhumir said, “I saw the face of one of the other guys, and coincidentally, he looked like you. It has happened for the first time, and I was just amused to see that. Maybe because we partied together and you were there on my mind somehow.”

  I said, “I would like to tell you something, but I would like a promise from you before I say it. I don’t disclose it to everyone. Even my friend doesn’t know about it.”

  Zhumir said, “What is that?”

  I said, “Since the day I came here, I have felt some relationship between us, but then I was not sure, so I waited for the right time.” Saving the world. I have been seeing the same dream as you see since childhood and since I got here, I have been getting good vibes, and after listening to your dream, I realised that you are one of the persons I am searching for.”

  Zhumir said, “What do you mean by that?”

  I told him the whole story. He was confused for a while and asked me a few other questions. I answered all his questions as well as I could.

  Zhumir said, “Since the day I met you, I also had a different feeling, but then I thought maybe there was something different about you. So you mean the dream was a sign and everything was real. Do we have to find the others?”

  I said, “Yes, I believe that is our task.”

  Zhumir said, “What will happen when we all meet?”

  I said, “Well, frankly speaking, I don’t know yet. We have to leave that to time. Would you really like to save the world at any cost?”

  Zhumir said, “Yes, of course, if we all keep thinking that someone else will do the job, it will be a mess. I think everyone is destined to do something. I am also doing and will do my part.”

  I said, “Well, in this state of demolition, I see one hope, and that is you. I am sure there will be more to it. Only people like you can help this world. I would be happy to have you on my team.”

  He said, “I still need some time for this, as this is very sudden to me. I am ready to part with life for this purpose, but I have to be ready completely at mind and heart. I will need some time to get back so that I don’t look back again.” He sounded quite mature with his decisions.

  In our itinerary, we had a plan to go to other zones. So we left the resort and moved on to our next destination. I was happy as I found my first team mate or soul mate. It was an achievement and happened in its own time. Sometimes, patience does all the work. Now I had faith, and it just got stronger with every milestone achieved.

  Now I was sure the others would also be on their way to get in touch with me. I couldn’t wait to meet them. I was excited to see my goals being fulfilled with time, but there was something in me that was not fulfilled. I was going through a cycle of pain that seemed to be ending, finally. I could overlook it by putting all my focus on the work I was assigned, but I couldn’t forget the love of my life. It was not easy, and I still didn’t have a clear picture.

  Emotional Turmoil

  Sonauy and I were now moving ahead with life. The bond of love was taking shape and I could see myself becoming emotionally attached to her. I felt like my soul was at peace when I was with her. I felt like I had everything now. Most part of the day, she was in my thoughts. Even when I was working, I was thinking of how to make things workable. I was ready to put in all my efforts in this relationship without any fear.

  I also felt some kind of energies speaking to me when I was with her. I used to get an intuition of what she may be thinking or when she would arrive at my place.

  I spoke to her, and she experienced the same many times. This gave me a signal that there was some connection between us that was eternal.

  As we progressed in our relationship, we got into more fights and had fewer good moments. I thought, perhaps life is like that. You take some time to adjust to each other. The fights that used to go on for days now turned into weeks. I was trying to solve this problem, but as I worked on one aspect, another arose. I felt disappointed and insignificant all the time, as she was not happy, and I had a hard time understanding why. She would not express herself, and I could not understand the core issues.

  I spoke to many people to understand what was not right about me, but I didn’t get the answers. Everyone told me his or her own perception of the situation. According to them, leaving and moving forward was the only way in life, but my vision was different from theirs. I always did what I wanted and what my conscience told me.

  I had a poster pasted on the wall in front of my bed that said, “Don’t give up.” It was not easy to just read the lines and say to yourself that things would be better soon, but somehow, this was the only motivation that always reminded me to be strong and persistent.

  The more I tried, the worse things became. We went to the movies, and while returning, something would go wrong. We would go out to dinner—something would come up and a fight would begin. I tried to make things up to her, but with her reaction, my ego would get hurt, and I would get angry. I lost my patience with time.

  Every step I took turned into a mistake, but I didn’t lose hope and still went the way forward. We even made plans for the future, but now something within told me that something was not going right. My sense of insecurity got stronger, and my fear of losing her kept flashing before my eyes.

  I was not sure of what I was doing. I once told myself that I should not get into any more emotional failure, but then looking at her and her love for me, at times, made me change my decisions.

  One morning, she came to my house and gave me some roses. I was astonished to see her in the morning with roses. She didn’t say much and left as she had an appointment. I was happy at her gesture.

  I went to my office too, and later in the afternoon, while in the midst of a discussion with my colleagues, I learnt it was the first day of Valentine’s week. I felt bad, and while going back home, I got her some roses. She liked the roses but didn’t say anything.

  The next day, my friends came over, and we had a party. She came too, and we spent some time together. She left early as she didn’t feel well and left a bag saying, “You can see it once you are done with this party.”

  My friends’ inquisitiveness couldn’t hold them back. They opened the bag—it had flowers, chocolates, small book of love quotes, and a few designed hearts.

  Again, I was astonished at her gesture. I realised later that it was a day to propose to someone. I felt joyful as I learnt that finally, someone was really interested in me. It was late at night, so I couldn’t do anything.

  The next morning, I tried to be proactive by sending a bouquet of flowers with chocolates to her office. To my surprise, she called me and yelled at me for sending it to her office. I had taken a step, and it had backfired.

  We discussed things in the evening, but in the end, we concluded that I had been overly eager to respond to her. I felt bad due to my insecurities. I didn’t lose my hope and got a nice teddy for her the next day. She liked the gift, and we went clubbing.

  Later, I followed the Promise Day, Kiss Day, and Hug Day. Now it was Valentine’s Day. I made some arrangements. I decorated my room with balloons and flowers. I wrote something special for her on the floor and decorated it with some candles. I made a heart of candles and designed our initials inside that heart with perfumed candles. I filled it with red roses and shining sticks. I also got wine to celebrate and played smooth romantic music.

  She came to my place as I invited her. She was amused to see all the decorations and kissed me. I now planned to make a commitment to her. I thought it over repeatedly and finally expressed my feelings to her. I sat on the beanbag, and she joined me. She sat on my lap. We had a candid discussion the whole night and shared some special moments. I can never forget that
day of my life, as it was a feeling I had never experienced before. I felt so much happiness that I had never experienced before.

  I was excited as I took the step forward but was also confused, as we had been fighting a lot more than living peacefully. I was not sure what would happen next. After a couple of days, we got into a major fight based on one issue that she came across. She would not accept her part in it, and I was not ready to accept my fault and lower myself. She made a decision—that we be apart.

  It was not easy for me, as I had made a decision and a promise. My insecurity loomed large in front of me. I always feared she would leave me behind, and that fear was turning into reality now.

  One day, I was walking down the same street where we first met. I remembered the day, a year ago, when we meet. I couldn’t decipher what was going in my life, but the sign “Don’t give up” in my bedroom still gave me hope that good days were ahead. At that moment, I just wanted to hug her tight and tell her how much I loved her.

  I tried to make things work again, but she did not respond and held grudges against me. She blamed for me for several things, and I had no justification for them. All I wanted to tell her was that she was only looking at the wrong parts and neglecting the right ones.

  Somewhere within, I knew that she also knew what was right and what was wrong, but as one lady friend of mine said, ladies have this issue of not accepting their part of the blame easily. I had made a vow, and I tried to protect it, but my initiatives only broke down my self-esteem further. I kept this fight up until one day, I finally said to myself that maybe the time was not right and I should give her some time to understand and realise that I was not completely wrong and I was not the person she thought I was.

  I realised later that it was not only misunderstanding that broke us but a lot of noise that made it worse. I spoke to people about my problem, and they only brought up negative aspects. I understood that often, it’s just the words that leave our mouths that come back. In anger, we exert no control over our speech, and the things said in anger resulted in more negativity.